Why politeness matters, even with opponents

Everywhere I look, people are tearing into each other. Online, in politics, even in daily life. The loudest voices are the angriest ones. Every disagreement turns personal. It is not about ideas anymore. It is about crushing the other person. And I get it. Anger feels good. Throwing an insult feels like winning for a moment. But it never changes anything. It just makes the walls higher.

We are also stuck in a kind of shame spiral. Public shaming has become entertainment. It is a spectacle, and politicians, news and influencers know it. They feed it. They stir us up, because outrage keeps us clicking, keeps us watching, keeps us divided. But all it really does is hollow us out. It turns people into enemies and arguments into weapons.

I keep thinking there is a different kind of strength in staying civil. Not soft. Not avoiding the fight. Just keeping it on the argument instead of the person. I know it works. I have seen it. The people who actually persuade others are not the ones shouting the loudest. They are the ones who stay calm, stay sharp, and do not get pulled into the mud.

But I am not there yet. I lose my patience. I snap. I go for the cheap shot when I feel cornered. And every time, I know it is weakness, not strength. I know I just made it harder to be heard.

The truth is that insults do not work. They lock people down. They make them double down. Psychologists call this reactance. Push harder and they just push back. But if you show some basic respect, even while tearing their logic apart, something opens up. They might actually hear you. And maybe more important, the people around you, the silent audience, see the difference too.

I watch this play out in workplaces, in politics, in families. When every disagreement turns personal, nothing moves forward. People stop listening, stop trusting. But when the fight stays on the level of ideas, even hard fights can lead somewhere. Civility is not weakness. It is the only way progress happens.

I want to believe in that path. I want to live it. To stay sharp but not cruel. To destroy bad arguments without trying to destroy the people making them. To be the one who can acknowledge a fair point, admit when I might be wrong, and still stand strong. I do not always manage it. Sometimes I walk away frustrated. Sometimes I lash out. But I know what I am aiming for.

Every time I see someone hold their ground without losing their cool, I see how powerful it is. It is a different kind of authority. It is not just about winning that moment. It is about being credible in the long run. That is the part I want to get better at.

Because in the end, civility is not compromise. It is not rolling over. It is a choice. A choice to believe that truth matters more than cheap victory. That respect matters more than humiliation. That people matter more than the scoreboard.

I do not always live up to that. But I want to. And that wanting, that striving, might be the first step.